Top 10 Things I've Learned As A Mom

1. Adding a long "e" sound at the end of any word can make it sound almost delightful. Example: Poopies, pukies, etc.


2. The phrase "It's different when it's your own" is totally true. I remember my mother-in-law saying this to me one time when I was dry heaving as my niece blew snot bubbles out of her nose. I thought there was no way I could handle something like wiping a snotty nose. Turns out, when it's your own kid, it's no biggy. In fact, you'd be surprised at the items you'd be willing to wipe your kid's nose on. Example: inside of your own t-shirt, your sock, etc.


3. There is no diaper available on the market today that can contain the explosive, mustardy liquid known as infant poop. It just doesn't exist. Don't waste your time trying every single brand. Just buy yourself the industrial size bottle of Shout and be prepared to treat a lot of stains.


4. You CANNOT force a two-year old to eat his vegetables. Don't try to bribe him. Don't try to coerce him. Don't try to hide peas in his tater tots. He'll just learn to hate tater tots, too.


5. The mind of a mother is runs at 110%, 24 hours a day. A mother's brain is constantly planning meals, making grocery lists, memorizing names of children in the neighborhood, taking inventory of what needs to be cleaned next, choosing outfits for tomorrow, prioritizing errands, worrying about whether that rash is severe enough to warrant the doctor's attention, etc. This constant overworking of the mind leads to occasional forgetfulnes. Such as the time I left for work without one very import piece of my breast pump. I remembered my purse, my lunch, a cooler, ice packs, my bag containing bottles, and most of the parts of the pump, but I left one little part of it in the dishwasher. Luckily, a kind husband rushed it to me before I exploded. (This just happened today)


6. My kids are the cutest. And your kids are the cutest to you. We are each convinced that our own children are the most exquisite of all of God's creations. We can't be talked out of it. And that's okay. But just so you know, my kids really are the cutest.


7. If you have a choice between epidural and no epidural, GO WITH THE EPIDURAL! Childbirth is painful. I don't think I fully appreciated this until my second child was born and it happened so fast that the epidural didn't have time to kick in. Now that it's over, I can say, "Oh, that wasn't so bad." But in the back of my mind I know I'll be asking my OB to give me my epidural a week before my next baby is due, just in case.


8. Children grow at a rate equal to the speed of light. Seriously. Everyone tells you, "Enjoy them. They grow up fast." But I had no idea how fast. Tomorrow morning I'll wake up and my two year old will be seventeen.


9. Playgroup is really for the mommies. Under the pretense that we're filling our children's social needs, we gather each week for a little bit of what moms crave most: adult conversation. After spending days on end at home with your kids, with the largest word you've used in days being "peanutbutter" or "Snuffleupagus", you NEED to chat with other moms. Even if all you do is talk about your kids and how they love peanutbutter and Snuffleupagus, somehow your sanity is saved by playgroup.


10. I never really knew how strong love could be or what true joy was until my children were born. These two little angels sent from heaven can be such a challenge and can try my patience more than I thought possible, but I wouldn't trade them for anything. They make my life so much richer and I love them more than words can say. Thank you, Tate and Tori, for making me a mom. I love it.